Daughters of a King, click on the book above!
As a child, my parents took care every need; they fed me, gave me clothes, provided me with an education, and incorporated Jesus Christ into my life. But with all the blessings my family gave me, emotionally, there was still a hole that needed to be filled. And while, yes, Jesus was and is my everything, there was a feeling that I couldn’t quell with Him, I needed more. Eventually, when I was older, I gained the knowledge and understanding to recognize that the church wasn’t equipped to help with the personal torments I struggled with for decades.
The orphan life, or the orphan spirit, is one the most challenging experiences to go through. The thoughts of rejection, abandonment, and loneliness are so dominant in one’s psyche, that it creates many physical, mental, emotional and spiritual issues. While not everyone starts their life with a physical home, through spiritual warfare and time, all of God’s children can find a place where they belong. Coming into my full identity and embracing my journey of self discovery helped me find out who I was and where I belonged.
I thought I had to come to terms with my roots, for when you know where you come from, it’s easier to navigate where you are going. It was a difficult path for some time, as my mind and body attacked itself in an effort of self sabotage. My mind and body encountered chronic sickness and in my lack of trust for others, I began to avoid the relationships in my life. And In what is probably the largest act of sabotage, while trying to find my sense of belonging, I kept my journey of being adopted a secret because of fear and loyalty to my adoptive parents. I felt guilty that my prominent loving parents perhaps were struggling with their emotions, trying to figure with where they went wrong or feeling that their actions in my life weren’t enough. But upon losing my first father in 1999, I was in desperate need of validation; I needed to obtain my biological fathers love, or at least acceptance.
This past year, I wrote an Anthology, called Daughters of a King after my biological father’s death to discuss inheritance and intimacy. In the writing process, I developed an understanding decisions that were made when I was growing up. My life had now came full circle; I now knew why I behaved the way I did in my 20s and early 30s. Those with an orphan spirit, like myself, are constantly trying to push down their sense of alienation, loneliness, and lack of self-worth. They constant working, going from one relationship to the next, physical gratification, and living a life of narcissism and self-indulgence. However, the more they indulge, the more addicted to self they become, and the larger the hole in their heart becomes, because only the love of the Father can fill the deep emotional needs they have.
The orphan spirit seeks to earn the father’s love, but the Spirit of Sonship knows and accepts the Father’s love and favor knowing that they are chosen to be raised in his name. But we must realize that the Spirit of Sonship does not only apply to those wit biological parents, but to all of God’s children. The Bible declares in 1 Peter 2:9, “We are a royal priesthood, a chosen generation, a holy nation God’s special possession…. KJV). In God’s eyes you already belong, you already are sons and daughters of the King. You have the Father’s Love and as God’s children, you serve and follow Him.
It is then that I had a reckoning with my identity as a orphan. As someone who did not know members of her biological family, I had to get rid of the idea that I was abandoned, because that was simply not true. And even if it was, my self identity could not be aligned with rejections; there was SO much more to me than that. I had to come to a state of deliverance within myself, and redefining who I was required a change in perspective. I had to reset who I was and wasn’t through the eyes of God.
1. I wasn’t forgotten by God, I was chosen.
2. I wasn’t rejected by Him, I am admired and adored by Him.
3. I was never a slave to Fear and Shame, I am freely forgiven.
Those with an orphan spirit are constantly in turmoil, fighting and striving for their own way. We compete with ourselves, striving and searching for love in others that might not be attainable, instead of doing to work to love ourselves. The orphan spirit receives their primary identity through material possessions, their physical appearance, and activities, digging into temporary vices to relieve our pain. But possessing the value in knowing my spiritual DNA as a child of God provoked an awakening that has now catapulted me into purpose. In God, I find true peace with my orphan identity. I now claim the spirit of sonship as my own, through the Father’s affirmation, heeding his call and walking with Him for the rest of my life.
