“We are free to be ourselves and become all we can be in Him.
As long as God approves and is pleased with us and we know who we are in him, that is the only approval we need.”
Ephesians 3:17
Addiction, according to Webster’s dictionary, is any notion that causes someone to physically or mentally lose control of their personal choices. It can be something that they feel they cannot live without or something they do to alleviate pain or pressure. There are many kinds of addictions; some are well known like addictions to drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, or food. But there are also more internalized addictions, ones that are emotional and engrained into our psyche from an early age.
The addiction of approval, in particular, is a disease that circulates rapidly through the modern social media culture and peer pressure. We are constantly searching to get as many likes on Facebook and Instagram from strangers we have never met, or acquaintances we have not seen in years. This constant need for approval then bleeds into our own relationships with our family and friends, and the overwhelming desire to be liked by EVERYONE we know and don’t know leads us to develop altered versions of ourselves. We are trained to water down our personalities and opinions in order to not rock the boat. We are told by family members to be pleasant and non-confrontational, or else you won’t be liked by a certain relatives, or “frenemies”.
But our public personas do take a toll on our emotional and mental health as individuals. Anxiety, insecurity, and self doubt creep into our minds, constantly trying to undercut every action we take in our journey. How do I look today? Does my hair look okay? Did I say the right thing to them? We fixate on how other people perceive us, and dive back into the hole of social media in order to control our image, further fueling our dependency. In some shape or form, we all at one time become victims to the addiction of approval. And approval addiction, most of all, affects the young people. So many of our teens today struggle with peer pressure, and that pressure is constantly present 24/7. They are just starting to form their own identities in an age of social media, and must face the unique pressure of having every action of their life documented and available for criticism. We see young people more and more withdrawing mentally and emotionally from those around them, spending most of their lives on the computer.
How can we help our children, and ourselves break the cycle of approval addiction? Like any addiction, the first step in breaking the cycle is addressing the addiction itself. Are you jealous of a certain person or their lifestyle? Are you insecure about your physical appearance? Was there an emotionally traumatic experience in the past that still resonates with you? Are you anxious about the uncertainty of your future? These are not the most pleasant conversations and realizations to have, but getting to the root of the problem makes it easier to gain control of your own personal fears and anxieties. If you ultimately do not pinpoint and resolve why you are dependent on others’ opinions and perceptions, then you will always contort yourself to pleasing people for the rest of your life.
We then must address our personal needs in order to gain control of our identity and choices. Instead of always catering to others, what about yourself? Constantly pleasing others can be draining, and causes much of the anxiety and unhappiness we feel. It is good to be sensitive and compassionate to others people’s needs, but constantly trying to please people, and changing aspects of yourself to be more compatible with others, is where you dive into the cycle of approval addiction. You allow other people to drive your choices and desires instead of God. Remember that YOU are in the driver’s seat of your own life. It is okay to take care of yourself first, and make the choices that are the best for YOU, so you can get the most out of living you life.
Lastly, and most importantly, we must learn to accept and love ourselves, our true AUTHENTIC selves. This is a struggle for all of us at different stages in our lives. Questions such as, “Am I too fat? Am I too thin? Do I have a big butt? Why can’t I be more like so and so? Why am I so mean to people?” The fact of the matter is it does not matter what anybody else thinks of you, because GOD LOVES YOU. God knew exactly what he was doing when he made us; why do we want to question what God has made? Until we accept and approve of ourselves, no amount of approval from others will keep us emotionally or mentally secure. We will never be truly free until we realize that we don’t need to struggle to get from others what God freely gives us: love, acceptance, approval, security, and a sense of self-worth.
At the end of the day, we all have to realize that what other people think does not matter, because realistically speaking, people are going to always have something to say. Whether you look like Beyoncé, speak like Oprah Winfrey, or have the heart of an angel, people are still going to find something to criticize. So why listen? It might mean taking a break from social media, taking a walk, meditating, or finding some time to do what you love. But we must find techniques and coping mechanisms to begin quieting the noise around us, whether that noise comes from other people or ourselves. We must use the love and acceptance of God as an example to love ourselves, silence our inner addictions, and move one step closer towards renewal and rebirth.
